Ervin Dwayne Caldwell

Ervin Dwayne Caldwell--patron saint of stray cats, hamburgers, and $4 DVDs--was born November 20, 1953 and passed just before his 70th birthday, on October 21, 2023.  

Dwayne was something else. He lived to push buttons and poke bears. To say he was multi-talented would be an understatement—he was a history buff, skilled artist, writer, photographer, guitarist, and 3D modeler with the tightest of polygon counts. As impressive as his models were, I’m sure he’d agree they were nice…but needed more plaid. 

Full of plans so cunning you could put a tail on them and call them a weasel, he could build a house from the ground up, keep ANY car running, and was unmatched at Frankensteining the fastest, most robust computers around. An avid polymath, he flexed his impressive vocabulary often when calmly proclaiming his views on Georgian antidisestablishmentarianism or shouting, “sausage? …SAUS-AGE?!?!”  

Dwayne lived for his kids, and I don’t have to tell you how amazing he thought they all were; he bragged about them constantly. If you knew him, you knew. Band, football, programming, games, art, jewelry making…if a kid showed an interest in it, he was on top of it—supporting, learning, encouraging them to pursue their passions. 

Dwayne liked to say, “We don’t have a family tree, we have a family bush” and boy, does it spread! He has steps, halves, and in-laws; he has bios and adoptees…he even has at least one step-adoption in there I think? But the type of connection never mattered…everyone is family, and everyone is deeply loved.  

He was preceded in death by his father and mother, James Lorenzo and Johnnie Juanita (nee Hullett) Caldwell, as well as his brother Jim Lorenzo Caldwell, Jr.  

Now, Dwayne was survived by a gaggle of nerds with a few normies thrown in. Much to his irritation, I’m sure, he was completely outlived by the oldest of the three brothers, James Arthur Caldwell. He is also survived by James’ lovely family: his sister-in-law, Linda Loretta (nee Molloy), and their children: daughter Crystal Caldwell-Hahn and her husband Donovan Hahn; and son Daniel and his wife Hannah (nee Zwieb) Caldwell. 

He lucked out and got to irritate not one, but TWO amazing wives, lucky duck! His first wife Anne Louise (nee Akana) blessed him with four sons. They are Ervin Dwayne, Jr.; Sean Britt and his wife Diana Santiago De Caldwell; Bryant James and his partner Jenny, and their two children, Leigha and Zee; and their youngest son, Garin Scott. His second wife Shari Suzanne (nee Kirk) gifted him with daughter Sabrina Piper Kirk-Caldwell, and son Mitchell Alexander…often we would hear Dwayne exclaim, “that boy ain’t right.” Which boy? We’ll give you five guesses. 

Dwayne’s passing was sudden--he suffered from an abdominal aortic aneurysm, and most don’t survive to the hospital. His was somehow contained, and luckily we were able to spend time talking and laughing with him to the end. Praise Heaven he thought to call the paramedics, at 0118 999 881 999 119 725…3.  

Although he was taken sooner than we’d prefer, he passed in peace, and that’s more than a lot of us get. And while some would expect to hear him say, “Game over, man…GAME OVER!” we just know he’s waiting to respawn. Good on ya, Father!

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